We’ve talked about the Everything Shower before. I’ve done them, obviously. And now I’m kind of done with them.
It’s not just the lengthy, complicated showers that require a to-do list. My thumbs never swipe to the next TikTok faster than when someone even SUGGESTS that they might START talking about how they’re “high maintenance to be low maintenance.” No. Just no! I don’t want to hear it! No matter what you call it, it’s all still “maintenance”; you just happen to be giving up an entire Sunday to get it all done! I’m tired. Rebrand it as a spa day and I’d still be tired.
I know myself (and more than a few of you, too): I can’t sit still during even a normal manicure. My myriad self-tan accouterments just stare at me from the bottom shelf, collecting dust day-in and day-out. Doing the bare minimum, particularly when it comes to skincare below the neck, would be a win.
I’ve tried to gamify it. I’ve tried to condense it. I’ve tried to schedule it. But really, the answer is (as always) the simplest thing: Get a few good products that actually do their job (it’s fewer than you’d realize), and move on. The best Everything Shower should take you…the same amount of time as a regular shower.
For the past month-plus, my body care routine (if you exclude shaving and deodorant as special teams players, not on the regular roster) has been three steps, end to end, and that’s still a 3X increase compared to what I was doing like, three months ago. I was just using soap, for those of you keeping score at home.
This is the most complete, but still efficient, routine I’ve developed in my many years of showering professionally. And it goes like this:
Athena Club Creamy Body Wash in Solar Disco
My word, am I addicted to this product! It’s unlike anything I’ve ever used. The texture is a red herring: You think it’s going to be one of those sensitive skin body washes that doesn’t really do much. But then it SUDS. Like really suds. Such a satisfying lather that smells like the perfect summer island evening. The top note is orange blossom, but I get carried away on the monoi notes. Very rich, very expensive. If there’s a self tan in your future, slap a big ol’ dollop onto a Salux cloth and scrub away. It’s like washing your body and dry brushing had a baby.
Differin Acne-Clearing Body Spray
Ever since I grew out my hair, I’ve noticed my back breaks out a bit more than it used to. The only reliable solution I’ve found for the long term is treating my back more like my face, which means: liquid exfoliator. As I’ve grown busier, I simply can’t be bothered to decant liquid exfoliator into a spray bottle anymore. Certainly not when Differin makes it so easy to literally reach everything with the smoothing power of 2% salicylic acid in a continuous, 360º spray bottle. This is also where I recommend most folks start on their retinoid journey (more on that here).
Necessaire Body Lotion
This is the one. I don’t know what else to tell you: This is the one! When they made this seemingly straight-down-the-fairway body lotion, they stumbled into brilliance. It’s Goldilocks. Soaks in literally right away – NO greasy feeling, not even a little bit – while punching way about its weight class when it comes to hydration levels. Immediately ends any post-shower itchiness, if that’s a thing you get. And if you want a pump bottle, just size up. Believe me, you’ll use it.
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Oh it's on. Like Donkey Kong.
I aspire to this level of minimalism