Embalm Yourself
3 body balms you might actually use
Moisturizing my body is a tedious chore and I absolutely hate to do it. I know, I know: I’ve probably led you to believe differently after all these years, what with my constant talk about self-tan and occasional rants and raves about body butters. This is because I want you to SEE me as someone who enjoys moisturizing my body. This farce has become core to my identity. I have been building this lie for a very long time. Such a long time that I, myself, actually believe it.
The façade came crashing down this week after I got a very nice, new pair of leggings. (They’re the Nike Universa. If you’ve been searching for the perfect legging, this is it —they’re lightly compressive like running leggings, but buttery soft and smoothing like yoga leggings and they have pockets which is essential for me because I like to take long walks with my phone and not have to carry it in my hand.) Anyway, I was wearing my new leggings and noticed flakes of dry leg skin clinging to them. It was very gross and embarrassing. Pretending to moisturize my body and simply *forgetting* to do it after each shower was no longer an option.
Because I can’t be trusted to do simple, nice things for my body, I instead tested a theory. Would I be more likely to moisturize my body if I made it incredibly challenging to do so? Body butter requires some real elbow grease to rub in. Many lotions offer an alternative to this pain in the ass. But back to the theory: The easier the solution, the easier it is to ignore. If I picked the hardest body butter I could find, perhaps it would no longer be a chore: It could be an event. An activity! Something to look forward to. A way to enjoyably spend some time.
After dinner, my boyfriend asked if I’d help clean up. I declined, citing my need to engage with a challenging moisturizer. “You know that skincare doesn’t need to be difficult, right?” he asked, as if he’s the one who’s been working in beauty for a decade. “You can just find something that works for your skin and not be constantly challenging yourself to find the next best thing.” I just don’t think he gets me.
So I showered. I scrubbed. I lightly toweled off. Then I propped my iPad up on the counter, threw on an episode of Frasier (original, not reboot) and got to work.
I went with the Mutha Body Butter, a rock solid offering enriched with shea butter, cocoa butter, mango seed butter — plus coconut oil, rosehip oil, avocado oil, and beeswax — as it presented both a workout and an indulgence. I scooped slabs of butter out of the jar and diligently warmed them into a paste in my hands as Frasier and Niles made fools of themselves in front of Daphne. I laughed! I kneaded! I tried to massage every inch of my skin until I felt entirely spent. I pulled on my dingiest sweatsuit and finally crawled into bed, exhausted.
Only time will tell if I stick to this method. But what I can tell about moisturizing the hard way: You can’t think about work. You can’t think about your to-do list. You can’t think about who you’re mad at or who’s mad at you. You’ll be absolutely too busy — taking care of yourself, if you can believe it!
There are other body balms that I love that don’t present SUCH a challenge, and they deserve a mention as well.
Medium challenging
Aveeno Eczema Therapy Itch Relief Balm with colloidal oatmeal is always nice to reach for when you feel like babying yourself. It’s on the goopier side of things (texture-wise) so you get a smoother application experience. I bought it a few years ago during a bad bout of stress hives that I thought was eczema. My skin was very soothed, but the hives didn’t go away until the stress did, unfortunately. That said, I still keep this jar around because once an eczema kid, always an eczema kid.
Minimally challenging
Flamingo Deep Nourishing Cream is so easy it feels like a crime. As I’ve written before, it looks just like old-fashioned Nivea — all pasty and white — but it actually works into skin like a cloud. Just soaks right in! All it leaves in its wake is the most satisfying velvety texture. No greasy feel or anything that threatens to stain your sheets or ‘jams. A miracle in a body cream. For the days when you don’t have the time to really work for it.
What about you?
What’s your body moisturizer plan, with the winter fast approaching? Leave me a shout in the comments, I’d love to compare notes.
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i love this. i really enjoy doing things the challenging way lately. it’s an opportunity to really focus on the task at hand and get lost in doing something. so many things are quick and easy but not as rewarding or so mindless that you’re not even engaging, just getting through it to move on to the next mindless thing. that’s how the days start slipping by and feeling far away or meaningless. all that to say, imma moisturize the hell out of my legs this week.
emily, it’s so nice to see you here after reading so many of your glossier pieces over the years!
a cousin gifted me with a gallon-sized bottle of kiehl’s creme de corps last christmas and i ended up decanting some of it into like, twelve bottles to give away. i think finishing this giant thing is my moisturizing endeavor for now.